sleep deprived

​you seem different

“You seem different,” she said. 

“Almost like you feel defeated … or overwhelmed … or something.” 

Whoa, that stopped me in my tracks. I paused to understand what, exactly, I was feeling. Who am I, now? 

If you read last month’s blog, when your heart tank is empty, you know that my initiation into parenting set my socks on fire. And I emerged -- different. 

Much like how you are emerging from 2020; because let’s face it, each and every one of us changed in some way last year. 

What have you learned about yourself? 

How have you been coping? 

When my son was three months old and refusing to nurse during the day, I went for a walk outside with my sister and told her, “I’m searching for a mantra that reminds me how I want to be as a mom.” 

I felt defeated. I saw the monster of my own perfectionism and I wanted to let it go. I didn’t want my expectations to get in the way of hearing what he was trying to tell me. 

And suddenly, the phrase GO WITH THE FLOW popped into mind. 

“Huh,” I thought, “Go with the flow.”

As in, do not force, being present to what is happening, and letting life be “good enough.” 2020 dropped many of us to our knees. We felt our strength seep out of us. 

Loneliness from isolation. Frustration from the extreme sport of parenting around-the-clock. Concern over racial justice. Political and medical chaos. 

To be honest, I got intimate with three big feelings: 

1. Rage. Who knew statewide mandates and certain parenting situations would trigger rage in me? 

2. Vulnerability. I thought I knew what being vulnerable meant. But it wasn’t anywhere near the agony of surrendering to 2020.

3. Pressure. Ahhh, our old friend perfectionism; you know what I’m talking about. The feeling of doing everything you can think to make life a certain way….unsuccessfully.

If 2020 set your socks on fire please know that you are not alone. 

It can feel pretty dark to get intimate with “negative” feelings but here’s the sunny side… ...when you reflect honestly about your emotions it is the path to growth! You have an opportunity to shift yourself, your family, and your life. 

You have an opportunity to tap into a fourth feeling: 

4. Support. Who helped you process your life this past year? Was it a spouse? A friend? A therapist / coach / or healer?

As you process chaos and love, joy and pain, I hope you find ease in this: Go with the flow.

 strong and capable

You’ve made it this far so that means you ARE strong and capable. Your children are too. In case you’re wondering, you ARE lovable (I’m glad you’re here). Your kids are too. 

Your strength and determination to move forward, maybe even to become the best version of yourself, is noticed.

If you, too, “seem different,” I’m with you in solidarity. 

With love, 

P.S. Maternity leave is over, folks! I’m back on a limited schedule with openings for three new clients. You can simply reply to this email if you’re interested in setting up a private parent coaching consultation with me. 


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Continuing education, advanced training, and parent coach certification for professionals who support intense kids and their families. View my mental health Ted Talk on helping families heal from stress here.

Comments

  1. You’re so awesome, Samantha!!! I looove reading your posts. Your son is adorable. YES, “Go with the Flow”, lady! My mantra? “ALL IS WELL”. I’ve whispered this to our son (now 11) in his sweet little ear since he was a baby crying on my shoulder. Now when *he* is having a tough day and needs a hug HE asks me to say “All is well…All is well….” over and over to him. Bonus: If I’M having a tough day *he* hugs me and whispers it to me.

    1. Author

      Thanks for sharing this Lisa! What a wonderful ritual you started and continue with your son!!

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