the cost of not being heard

I want to share a personal story with you, one that taught me a lesson on the importance of listening to the anxious voice inside me, even when others try to sweep it away. 🌟

In my 20s, I was in a relationship that drained my energy and self-worth. I was always tired, constantly seeking time away from the drama. Every month, like clockwork, I'd chant to myself, "don't break up with him – don't break up with him – don't break up with him." 💔

One day, during a yoga class, a teacher overheard my plan for a parasite cleanse to regain my energy. Without hesitation, she said, "Maybe your boyfriend is the parasite." She was right, and we laugh about it now, but it took me way too long to listen to my intuition. 

Fast forward to 2023, my family discovered toxic black mold in our condo (behind the bathroom vanity). 😷 It was confirmed by a specialist, but she didn’t follow the full testing process and managed to skip over my concerns about my bedroom and my son’s room. Doubts lingered after she reassured me multiple times that I didn’t need to pursue the issue further…

What about my nightly cough? 😪 (I sleep next to an old A/C wall unit)

What about my 3-year-old son’s room with visible mildew from pooled water on the windowsill? 🏡

I felt anxious and angry, questioning my judgment.

Finally, a contractor named Zach took my concerns seriously. He conducted an air sample and found significant mold levels in both rooms. 

Two months – and thousands of dollars later -- the mold is gone. There are still large holes in our walls where the mold was cut out, and we don’t have flooring in our bedroom after we pulled the carpet up. But our rooms are scrubbed clean, and I sleep well at night. My kiddo does too. 😴

Why am I sharing this? 

Because the cost of not being heard can be steep. I see this in parenting all the time.

Whenever I have individualized conversations with parents, I ask them to fill out my “cost of behaviors” worksheet that calculates how much time, energy, and money is spent navigating challenging behaviors.

On average, parents spend 12 hours each week dealing with challenging behaviors, worrying about the future, talking to school staff, and attending appointments. Not to mention the financial and relationship toll. 😢

Parenting an emotionally intense child can consume your life if there’s not a safe space for you to be honest about what’s going on, and supported with tools to make it better. 

If this resonates with you, I invite you to my Mad to Glad+ parenting cohort. It's a nonjudgmental space where we dive into the depths of parenting emotionally intense children and explore eight, proven and effective strategies to reduce frustration and increase happiness and connection at home. 🏡

Don't let the cost of not being heard affect your family's well-being. 

You can view my upcoming group that starts on Wednesday, October 25th here.

If you have questions that you want to run by me, I’m offering my regular monthly gathering online call this Friday at 4 PM Central. Sign up here. There’s no cost to attend. ☎️

Warmly,

Samantha