When heartbreaking events happen in our communities, like the recent school shooting in Minneapolis, parents face an impossible task: we’re trying to process our own emotions while also helping our children feel safe.
There’s no script that makes this easy. No single sentence will take away the worry. But what we can do as parents, caregivers, and professionals is offer grounding, connection, and compassion in small, steady ways.
This isn’t about “getting it right.” It’s about being present.
1. Acknowledge, Don’t Avoid
Children notice more than we think. Even if they don’t have all the facts, they pick up on our emotions, overhear fragments of conversation, or hear things from peers. Silence can leave them feeling more anxious, imagining worst-case scenarios.
Start simply:
💛 Ask what they’ve heard.
🔹 Ask what questions they have.
💛 Let them know it’s okay to talk about it and it’s also okay not to.
You don’t need perfect answers. A gentle acknowledgment like, “Yes, something sad happened. You’re safe with me, and I’ll always do my best to take care of you,” goes a long way.
2. Speak Simply, Answer Gently
Different ages need different approaches. Check out the age-appropriate scripts suggested by our friend, Erin Walsh from Spark and Stitch Institute on Helping Kids Cope with Tragedy.
- Young children need short, concrete reassurance. Example: “Yes, something scary happened, but you are safe here. We’re together.”
- Older children and teens may want details or want to share their opinions. Instead of giving them a lecture, break the conversation into smaller pieces. Check in over time rather than trying to cover everything at once.
Remember your tone matters as much as your words. Calm, loving presence reassures as much as information does.
💛 If you’d like extra support, I’ve included a detailed audio in this blog [you can listen here]. It’s a real-time parent coaching example to give you words and tone you can lean on when talking with your kids.
3. Bring the Body Into the Conversation
When words aren’t enough, our bodies carry the stress. That’s why grounding practices are so important after a tragedy.
Simple tools you can do together:
🔹 Place a hand on your heart or forehead and take three slow breaths.
💛 Gentle tapping on arms or legs to release nervous energy.
🔹 A short walk outside, feeling feet on the ground.
💛 Rocking or swaying side to side movements our bodies often naturally crave under stress.
These are practices I often use myself. They help shift us from spinning thoughts to a calmer, more regulated state. And when you do them with your child, you’re teaching them tools for life.
To see these in action, check out this short yet beautiful video with techniques for calming both adults and kids after hard news.
And, Mason and I made [this video together] to show what it looks like in practice with a little one at home!
4. Keep Rhythms of Joy and Connection
After tragedy, many parents wonder if it’s okay to laugh, play, or enjoy ordinary routines. The answer is yes.
Children especially need reminders that the world is still safe enough to find joy. Play, shared meals, and consistent routines help restore balance to everyone’s nervous systems.
This doesn’t minimize what’s happened. It balances the weight of grief with the reassurance of stability and connection.
5. Model Compassion For Yourself Too
Kids learn as much from how we treat ourselves as how we treat them.
If you cry, let them see that tears are part of love.
If you’re overwhelmed, let them see you take a break or ask for support.
If you find small ways to offer compassion like writing a note to a teacher or checking in on a neighbor invite them to join you.
Compassion, grieving, and love are not side notes in parenting. They are the core of parenting when life feels heavy.
Trusted Resources for Parents and Professionals
If you’re looking for more support, these resources are worth saving:
- Supporting Our Youngest After a Community Tragedy (Courtesy of MN Association for Children’s Mental Health — MACMH)
- Talking to Kids About Lockdown Drills (Courtesy of MoveMindfully)
- Helping Kids Cope with Tragedy (Courtesy of Spark & Stitch Institute)
Final Thought
When tragedy strikes, the most powerful thing you can offer your child isn’t a perfect explanation. It’s your presence.
💛 Your willingness to listen.
🔹 Your courage to feel.
💛 Your steady reassurance that love and connection remain.
Take a breath. Place your hand on your heart. Remember that compassion, grieving, and love are a good start to healing.