I’ve been reflecting on what people are “allowed” to say in public vs. what they say behind closed doors.
If you’ve read my recent emails, you know that some parents feel validated when a cuss word transparently conveys the chaos of family life. I frequently hear these words on Zoom calls with parents and I’ve been asking if that’s something they say to others.
I’ve heard, “Oh no I don’t say this to other people! I say it to my partner all the time and I think it, but everyone thinks my family is the perfect picture.”
I get it. People are sensitive about how they want you to be.
I’ve also heard, “Yep, I’m real. If they don’t like it, then they’re not my people.”
In April and May, I’m frequently invited to speak on parenting podcasts and it’s a delight to experience the diversity of voices and comfort levels.
Most recently, I was on Epidemic Answers to address the question, “Why do kids have behavioral problems?”
Maria Rickert Hong, my host and interviewer, has a compelling family story where her child went “suddenly crazy” and it took her down the healing path for PANDAS/PANS (and more).
Here is the link to watch the recording: Parenting Strategies to Calm Your Child's Most Challenging Behavior [runtime 1.5+ hours]
We discuss what’s happening in kids’ brains beneath challenging behaviors, what happens if you misjudge it as manipulative/defiant, and parenting strategies that can be helpful to de-escalate intensity and change things, quite quickly.
In the world of parenting, things get real. Fast. And sometimes mindfulness doesn’t work and “theory” doesn’t help, and you have no better solution in-the-moment than guiding your child to their bedroom.
[Yes, this too was recently criticized in the comment section of my blog. That was not the sum-total of my suggestion BTW. I affirmed that yes, the bedroom is a good temporary option when you have 3 children, and 1 is hitting and screaming while the other 2 are feeling unsafe. I ALSO suggested pediatric chiropractic to support her daughter’s nervous system and role-playing with her child when emotions are not high, plus other things.]
I hope you find real support in whatever way(s) feel good to your unique needs.
P.S. Joe is a real dad, parent of 5-year-old twins, who shares about his journey from a higher intensity parenting style to one that honors the little humans in his family – and makes life more fun for everyone.
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