Cursing, people-pleasing, and parenting

My last two emails involved a curse word -- and then an apology -- and both evoked strong reactions.

The negative feedback was straight forward, and some readers decided to unsubscribe.

The support feedback was something else! 

One mom wrote, “I just wanted to respond to let you know that I did not take offense. I thought it was hilarious, as one of my ways to deal with the hard stuff is to laugh.  Mainly, it was so nice to acknowledge that parenting is indeed very hard. Especially with a very intense child who has challenged us so deeply as humans and parents and we are always working on being better, doing better, and trying to also give ourselves some grace.  And I love love love kids and wouldn’t have it any other way.” 

In addition to parents and grandmas, I heard from:

• School Superintendents & Teachers
• Therapists & Child Protection Workers
• Directors & Daycare Owners
• Doctors & Research Associates
• Yogis & ADHD Coaches
• Infant and Child Specialists
• My cousin Debbie

Profanity didn’t even pop up on their radar, in fact they told me it felt: HONEST.  REAL.  VALIDATING.

Now, I’m not going to type swears in my emails but at least 40 of the folks above emailed me saying they felt overwhelmed and even over-run by kids with big emotions/behaviors at times.

My lesson in the end is the same golden thread I teach in Mad to Glad…

1. Listen to understand what’s beneath big reactions. 
2. Don’t beat yourself up (even if you’re a 40-year-old people pleaser). 
3. Take a better action step forward. 

This golden thread can be heard with Amanda, mother of 3, when she asks: Is it ever ok to put a child alone in their room? 

Click here to watch a snippet of our conversation [runtime 3 minutes].

We discuss best practices for guiding a screaming 3-year-old, when the help of another resource is necessary, and having compassion through the process.  Thank you Amanda, for agreeing to share a piece of your family’s current story!

In our discussion, we noticed that her middle child doesn’t reset with “nice“ coo-ing or hugs.  Instead, she needs more space to breathe and a pretty firm boundary (that helps her feel safe).

As always, I hope you find this perspective helpful. 

Warmly,

Samantha